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Reprinted from Encounters Magazine, January, 1998.
Spanking The Monkey
Pieces by Rhesus
After that little Christmas Day brouhaha, it looks like
Gay Day at Disney will be especially contentious this year, with both Operation Rescue and the
Southern Baptists planning to protest and picket. And this year they claim they'll be
inside the parks, too. (I hope Disney won't allow them to hand out propaganda or cause
confrontations. Why? Because it's the Happiest Place on Earth, goddammit!)
We should get prepared. Nipple rings and leather harnesses will only galvanize them and
make them more sanctimonious, if that's possible. I say we pull the carpet out from under
them. Let's all wear red shirts with messages about Love and Tolerance, or appropriate
Biblical phrases like "Love Thy Fellow Man." And if confronted, speak calmly and
in a civil manner. Ask them to specifically quote or show in the Bible where Jesus himself
condemned homosexuality. How can the Bible teach both love and tolerance and hate and
intolerance at the same time? I say we fight fire with fire, or fire and brimstone as the
case may be.
If we get into yelling matches or visibly upset, they win. They will have disrupted our
good time. On the other hand, if we stay calm and collected, smiling and friendly, and
continue to enjoy ourselves while turning their own arguments against them, it will
totally derail their expectations. They'll be flustered and in disarray and some may even
leave the park doubting their position (if they're not brain dead, that is).
So, what do you say, all you graphic designers? Should we start designing these shirts
now, and passing it along the Internet? And if any Bible experts would like to send in
Biblical passages or arguments we can use to defend ourselves, I will gladly pass them
along. The protestors are already planning, and so should we.
Well gee, that's all I had to write about. Been busy with the holidays and paying for
the holidays, don'tcha know. So I think I'll just run an old column from last year at this
time. So, please enjoy...
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